A Difficult time

Master and I are not in constant communication like we have been over the past 4 months. He has had a family emergency which has taken Him away from His home for an extended period of time. He has extended certain permissions to me. He explained that since He does not know when He will return it would not be fair of Him to ask me to wait with all of my restrictions in place. I understand and appreciate His consideration,however, I do not want the freedoms. I am comfortable with and used to Him. My problem is that my need to submit does not fade because my Master is not available. I will, however, wait for His return and probably not utilize my freedom. It is going to be a long wait I am afraid. :(

One step closer......

The first time that I received a serious punishment from my Master and I was required to do something I truly did not want to do, my overall reaction before during and after concerned Him to the point that He felt that perhaps sexual submission was not for me. I spent a lot of time thinking about what Master had said and evaluating what made me react with such anger and hurt feelings. I came to the conclusion that the punishment that was assigned to me had included being completely naked in front of Him for the first time and that was the humiliating factor that created my reaction. At no point did I ever become aroused with any part of the punishment and this was His main concern. We spent a few days thinking about the next step and if we should continue. We decided to put things back together and I am very glad that we did.

I have recently been punished again  for cumming without permission and I now understand why my Master had been so concerned before. My reaction this time was very different. The punishment was just as humiliating or perhaps even more humiliating as the last,however, this time I was aroused at what I was being forced to do in order to redeem myself. I was still angry with what He was making me do,but, it was different this time. I was aroused with the humiliation and embarrassment.

I am hoping that this experience means that I am moving closer to understanding and becoming sexually submissive. I know that I feel like I have taken another step and I am glad that I did not give up or that He did not give up on me. Thank you Master.