I am eight months into discovering my submissive self and I have really just begun learning the true meaning of being a submissive girl. I understand now that true submission is giving COMPLETE sexual control over to a Master, which goes beyond simply following orders. I realize now, that it is a state of mind in addition to a physical need. I have had an opportunity to experience a different style than what I am used to and I have thoroughly enjoyed myself and what I have learned from it. I have a completely different outlook on submission now and I am beginning to understand more and more each day of what it means to serve. It is more fulfilling than I imagined it to be and I have welcomed the high expectations.I hope that I will be able to post more detail soon, but, for now I can only say how it has felt and what I have learned. 
  

You Get What You Ask For

  I asked to learn more. I asked what it meant to be submissive. I asked to be shown and told different opinions and styles and I received what I asked for. Enough that I am now more nervous of going forward than I was before. However, what is breaking through the feelings of nervousness and fear is excitement and a pull towards a need for more. More dominance, more control a firm hand. I tremble at the thought of those things being placed upon me,but, I have a need for them.  Tasks, assignments, expectations, chats......are all different. The idea of what a sub should/should not be varies from person to person and that is confusing. Of course the idea of what a Master/Sir should be is thought of differently from one to the other also. I will sort it all out and find what works for me. This journey has been fun so far and I have been able to learn a lot about myself. Some things that I would never have imagined to be true.

Another Chapter Begins....

I am sitting here writing  this blog thinking to myself, how did I get here? I was so sure that what Master and I had was going to  last longer. I know that I have to take some blame as does He. He said RL got in the way,but, I know in my heart  it was more than that. I will never say that I regret one single moment of time I spent with Him because I learned so much about myself. He opened a lot of doors inside of me that I never knew existed. That is the heartbreak for me . That and I honestly feel as though He was hiding things and lying in other areas. Am I sad?..undoubtedly Will I get over it?... Absolutely and I will take what I have learned and keep building on it.

I am not one to put myself out there for the world to see. Master had me post some pics on Lit and I contemplate taking them down or keeping up the feed. My true hope is that He and I will remain friends. I acted irrational yesterday when this happened, so, I am not sure that He will respond. LOL

I will miss His daily contact. I will miss Him and I wish Him all the happiness in the world.

Life goes on and another chapter in my submissive evolution begins.

Things I Have Learned I love

During this short journey of mine I have learned a lot. Some good, some not so good. Out of character does not even begin to describe my actions over the last few months. I would have never expected myself to have gone any further than lurking online, especially in a sexual way. But, because I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried something new, I am a much happier person.

The biggest thing I have learned is my obsession with being submissive. I had no idea how much I wanted to submit to a Master and then once I did, how strong of a daily craving it would become. I am by nature a very dominate person and so giving control to a Master is unbelievably hot.  I crave the orders and the process of having my behavior shaped to please Him. Having a strong personality, it is a challenge for any Dom, but, the mistakes I make are genuine. I dont make them in order to receive punishment or to get attention.I want to be His perfect sub as much as He wants me to be. I have a quick tongue that gets me into trouble a lot and it is coupled with impulsiveness.

My Master has proven to have a strong hand and very capable of "keeping me in line". The relationship is new, but, I have learned valuable lessons early on. I have learned not to tease my Master. This will bring relentless teasing upon myself with no relief for a very long time. I have learned to always be forthcoming with information. The "he didn't ask so I wont tell" idea does not work well with Him. Pouting/Objecting makes no difference. Once He is set on something that is it,which I have realized is the hardest thing for me to accept. (Doing what I object to solely for His pleasure.) Cumming is a privilege that is granted to me. DO NOT cum without permission.

My Master is a dirty minded dream. I have learned that the kinkier/dirtier the more I like it. Being gagged with my own (dirty) panties is hot! Being made to cum multiple times without a break or being made to tease myself every hour on the hour (for a long day) with strict orders not to cum is also hot. Deep throating and gagging another favorite. Each session that He sets for us progresses further and further. I keep thinking he may run out of ideas, but, I am sure that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I look forward to many more lessons and to sharing them with others. As they occur I will post and share.