Okay...I am confused and so I am turning to my friends who have been in the community for much longer than I. If someone is so detrimental to the well being of subs and has a long line of broken subs he has broken into peices,why in the HELL is he still respected and accepted into the local community where he can fish for more subs to destroy???? I thought we were supposed to protect each other and help each other grow, not support the ones we tell new subs to stay away from. PLEASE PLEASE tell me as I am a new sub and have NO interest is being amongst the local scene if this is what we do.Thank You :)

What You Took Away From Me

In a very short period of time and during what felt like a whirlwind of emotion you made promises and preyed upon my vulnerability and took what little was left of me.

you took my confidence, you took my ability to call anyone Sir and took their joy of being respected by me away. you took the fun and love of being submissive and you took my passion for being a submissive and destroyed it. you took my ability to want away and my trust in others you shattered. you lied, you manipulated me, you made me feel special and then dropped me off of that high and tore me down.That is what you did to me.........

and this is what I am going to do to you..........I am going to take your power away and believe in myself again. I am going take you off my mind knowing that thoughts of you are a waste of time. I am not going to hear your voice in my head anymore because it has nothing worthwhile to say. I am going to remember how you manipulated me so that I don't repeat my mistakes. I am going to learn from my pain and become a stronger,better submissive and person and I am not going to let you scar my life or mind. I am going to find my ONE and be happy. you were a bump in my life's path and you have been flattened.

I am also going to thank you for making me a stronger, smarter worthwhile person by treating me so poorly.

 you had the chance to have everything I am, to own the very core of me, but instead you made me realize the difference between you and You which is why He will receive everything you could only ever dream of, Me

Slightly Masochistic or Very Masochistic?

I am not one for pain , I have a low tolerance .....or at least I thought I did. Since I began learning more about my submissive self I have been very curious about how a flogger would feel across my back or ass or how badly does it really hurt to be paddled or spanked.I have seen numerous pictures of people after a good flogging or whipping and I have watched people being paddled in the past. It never really interested me at all. As a matter of fact. it was yet another limit I had on my long list of no's when I first began.

Fortunately for me, I have been lucky enough to have experienced some flogging and paddling recently. The intensity was not full on,however, even at the level it was, I was surprised with myself at how I reacted and felt during and after. I believe that a flogger, crop and paddle were used and I must say that with every strike I felt myself become more aroused and at one point I stopped feeling the strikes in a way until His use of me was over, of which, I believe I enjoyed much more because of His treatment of me and the spankings.

When He had used me to His content I looked at the marks left behind and shockingly I was very proud of them. I am still trying to understand why I enjoyed this and why I am craving more. On one hand I am glad that I am discovering something new,however, on the other hand I cannot help but wonder what kind of person does that make me??? That I enjoy being hurt? That I get off to being flogged?? I never thought it would EVER be something I would enjoy even in its least amount of intensity.

Now.....I need to find my tolerance level for pain.

A Bittersweet Meet

Journal Entry | less than a minute ago

I had my second playtime with Sir today and once again simply saying that it was amazing is an understatement. I learned today that I love cumming for Him and exactly how intense that can be. My Sir was rough with me and certainly degraded me for His pleasure. I hate that we did not have the whole day,however, I will take what face to face time I can get.

Having said that, He will be relocating to another state soon for work,so, this is looking as though it will be a LDR with frequent traveling I hope. Long distance relationships are hard and I am not very happy about the situation. He has told me that things/restrictions/rules will be amended and commitments made before He leaves. I like the commitments part. :)

Thank You Sir for a wonderful morning..........

Your fuck toy

My First Play Time With Sir

My First Play Time With Sir

Journal Entry | 1 Loves It | about 2 hours ago

I have now experienced my first face to face play time with Sir.....

Sir and I do not live close to each other at all....there is about an hour's drive time between the two different towns that we live in and so we decided to meet in the middle, eat lunch with friends and then get a room.

My nerves were working overtime and I found that on my way to meet Him and our friends for lunch, I was having to take several deep breathes, my hands were trembling and I can't even put into words how my stomach was feeling.

Once I had arrived at the restaurant, walked in and saw Him sitting at a table in the corner of the dining area, I did relax a little. He has the ability to reassure me by simply being there and I did need reassuring at that moment.I have never considered myself to be shy or timid in any way,however, during the course of lunch I found it difficult to make eye contact with Him or for that matter our friend's Dom.

Once lunch was over and we said our goodbye's to our friends, it was time to find out if BDSM was what I really liked or if it has only been the fantasy of it all that has kept my attention.

We entered the room and I watched Him close the curtains and prepare Himself to speak with me. He came to me and wrapped His arms around me and reassured me that everything would be fine and that I was safe. I immediately relaxed a great deal at that point. He had me kneel before Him as He sat on the bed and He began to tell me exactly what He had planned to do to me while we were together and made sure I had remembered my safe word. I agreed with everything, proved to Him that I knew my safe word and then He began using me for His pleasure.

The first step was stripping in front of Him down to my panties.This was uncomfortable since it was the first time I had been nude in front of Him and He enjoyed my uneasiness.He inspected me as He would inspect a horse before purchasing it. This added to my humiliation of standing there naked. Sir bent me over the bed and ripped my panties off of me.

He roughly directed my body into the position and place that He wished for me to be in by using my hair to guide my body and and His hands and legs to pin me down. After some play for His pleasure I was ordered to remove His boots. He fucked me and He fucked me hard and I loved every second of it. I was ordered on my knees,on all fours, on the floor on my back, on my stomach etc.....I am sure you get the picture. My ass and face were slapped, with my ass being left with a hand print on it and very red and the humiliating names He called me and made me call myself were amazing.

Sir used my mouth and throat to please Himself many times and enjoyed when I gagged and grasped for air in between uses.He inserted my anal plug for a bit and told me what a whore I was.

The entire day was amazing and I am so glad that I took the step into real time. I learned that I am EXACTLY where I want to be with regard to BDSM and the reality is a much larger turn on for me than the fantasy. As He provided aftercare.....we spoke, laid together and recounted the day. We had some discussion of where we wanted our D/s relationship to go. We showered and then parted ways.

I was on cloud nine and high on adrenaline until the next morning and then I was in pain........but it was a wonderful pain. My entire body, inside and out was hurting, my throat was very sore and my voice was hoarse and I was enjoying it......it served as the perfect reminder for me that I had pleased my Sir and that was the most important part. :)

THANK YOU SIR

It Has Been A While.............




It has been a while and many thing have happened since I last posted here. The first face to face meeting that I had went very well. Sir and I clicked and had an easy time talking with one another. We played a bit,but, not too much....it really was perfect. I did not have a problem falling into my submissive role with Him. Since then the tasks that HE has set for me to accomplish everyday have a new meaning for me. They seem more important now and His disappointment in any failure that I may have would upset me at a deeper level now.

I have increased the number of times I call Him during the day because I feel more comfortable now, even though I still become tongue tied when He makes any sexual comments during the course of our conversation. He has set tomorrow as our first play session together and I am certainly not ashamed to admit that I am nervous and terrified however, very excited. I cannot even put into words the vast amount of emotions that are going through my head and body right now. There are so many things that I could do wrong or I could completely displease Him. Of course I could also be face to face with all of my fantasies and realize I do not want to live them out in real time or I could get there and absolutely know that this is exactly what I have been dreaming about. It is a lot to imagine.

We are having lunch with a submissive friend of mine and Her Daddy prior to playing and I am hoping that I will be able to eat something. I know that I should eat something before we play.

I was not this nervous before our first meet and I am not sure why this time is effecting me so much more. I am going to try to relax and have fun and do my absolute best to please Him.

Humiliation and A Face to Face Meeting is Set

My task for Wednesday was more humiliating than I though it woul dbe and I did try to find a way out of having to complete it. Not to my surprise,however, much to my dismay....I was not able to wiggle my way out of the task and so I unhappily completed it.

The assignment involved walking around my house and finding different objects to pleasure myself with. Then I was to use them, orgasm and take photos. The only part that was changed was the orgasm,due to the fact that I have been placed on restriction from orgasms now and I am allowed one a week,but, must receive permission first.

At first glance the assignment seems to be doable,however, as I walked around looking for things I became embarassed at the thought of showing Sir what I would come up with and then showing Him via pictures how I enjoyed them. It was very humiliating while preparing for it and during the completion of the task. Once it was all said and done and I had sent the pics I did become aroused,but, I don't think I was turned on by the assignment as much as the fact the Sir forced me to do it even though I did not want to.